Sunday, 17 May 2009

  • i told my parents i'm dating.

    this morning, i told my parents about kevin. these past few years, they've known i've dated a few people, but they also knew that it never got serious, or went anywhere.

    my mom woke me up around ten in the morning to shower and take my car to the service for maintenance. after i pampered myself and made myself visible for public display, i walked out into the kitchen, where my mom was readily pouring gelatin into individual sized bowls, and my dad was sitting at the dining room table, mixing up a few tracks for their next big mid-life-crisis-asian-rave-party.

    i hovered my mom for a good two minutes before she looked over her shoulder. "what do you want?" she asked.

    she knows. after many years, she's come to realize that when i hover, i want something, or i have something important to tell her.

    "uh," i paused, looking around the kitchen as my mom focused on pouring the gelatin mix perfectly into the mini-bowls, "i'm dating kevin now."

    she stopped pouring, and looked up.

    "huh?!" my mom began to say some things in vietnamese quickly, and under her breath, "my baby?!?! my baby girl?!?!?! dating?!?!?!?!?!" my dad took off his headphones and looked over.

    "what's up?" he said. i walked towards him, and repeated. "oh." he didn't say anything for a whole sixty seconds. i held my breath, expecting him to blow up and say something outrageous.

    i've been dreading the moment i'd tell my parents i'm seriously dating someone, kevin, for a good three weeks now. in my mind, i've imagined multiple scenarios as to how they would react.

    my first imagined scene would be me telling my mom first, and my mom telling my dad, then my dad taking a pile of plates - five to be exact, and slamming them onto the floor while screaming, "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" and storming off.

    my second imagined scene would be me telling my parents, together, at once, and them saying "let's meet kevin." their initial reaction would be serene and peaceful. but as soon as i bring my parents and kevin into the same room, then i picture my mother hovering him, seating him at the dining table, and shoving all of her wonderful homecooked meals down his throat while my dad attempts to talk golf, golf, and more golf. as soon as he leaves, my parents would tackle me saying "we don't like boy." or something like that.

    my third imagined scene would be me telling my mom who would tell my dad which would lead to me on the streets. kbai!

    as i stared at my dad, while he zoned out for a good minute, he looked at me, almost laughing, and says "i already knew that."

    HUH?! what does he mean he already knew that?!

    in the meanwhile, my mom was wailing in the background about her baby all grown up, while my dad smiles at me and says "well, you're at the age when you need to really start dating anyway. get some experience, you're growing up."

    he proceeded to tell me the story about an abusive couple he saw while on his cruise last week with my mom, and how apparently there was a young couple, in their mid to late twenties, arguing on the ship. my mom was up on the deck tanning while my dad was walking laps on the rooming floors. the woman in the relationship screams "FUCK YOU. GET AWAY FROM ME. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING." while the man in the relationship yells back "I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BECAUSE I'M DATING YOU."

    then my dad ended that example with "don't let him do anything you don't want to do."

    and that was that.

    my parents are a riot. i never know what to expect next.

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